Brave and the Bold #60

So, I have to say, getting back into reviewing mode has been pretty easy. I had some trepidation at first, hell, I wasn't even sure I even wanted to review after being out of the game(so to speak) for so long. But I guess it's like riding a bike. Or, in my case, a really sucky bike with square wheels that fall off all the time. Anyway, next up is the second adventure of the Teen Titans. And from the looks of the cover, it seems out favorite trio of sidekicks are going to add a forth member! Which is probably for the best, because really, what kind of a team has THREE members!? Onward!

Brave and the Bold #60(July 1965):

Summary: So wait, DC didn't do anything with the Titans for an entire year after they first got together?! Huh... In the town of Midville, the adults have given their teenagers control of the government for a day... Why, I have no clue, but it's what happened. A kid named Tommy Holmes takes over as acting mayor, with the teens doing everything in town more professionally than the adults. At least until the menace of the Separated Man strikes!!! Yes, the Separated Man... It seems Tommy's father was a brilliant scientist who managed to, I shit you not, turn his body gigantic and cause his body parts to separate from one another... Yep. As fate would have it, Prof. Holmes couldn't control his giant parts(which I often use as an excuse!!!), and they rampaged around town. When the Prof. returned to normal, he was locked in prison for the crimes his gigantic body parts committed. This is the trippiest story I've read in some time! And now, during his son's finest hour(as a one day teen mayor), the Separated Man has returned.

That's kinda like one of those damn hands in Zelda that takes you back to the beginning of the dungeon!  I hate those hands...

The town's adults naturally blame Tommy for the rampage, but he escapes from them and contacts the Teen Titans via ham radio, which I guess was like the Internet of the 60's? Probably? The Titans arrive on the scene(arm in arm for some reason) and are filled in with regards to the Separated Man.

Who the hell enters a room like that??

Tommy swears to the Titans that his dad is innocent(even though he escaped from prison earlier in the day...), but before they can decide what to do, two giant feet begin to march towards Tommy and the Titans! And that ends the first part of this modern day classic.

Thoughts: So it's wrong that I was wondering what the Professor's gigantic penis was up to, right? I mean, I feel it's wrong, but I don't know how somebody can read this story and NOT wonder the same... Ah well, maybe we'll find out in the second part. Let's see, where the hell do I even begin... We have a scientist who, to benefit mankind in SOME way, I have no idea what way, but in some way, makes himself grow to giant stature and split apart?!? Like, this dude was sitting at his desk and was like, “You know what humanity at large needs? My giant gonads running around town helping old women cross the street and cleaning the gutters...” And then he went ahead and tried to make that a reality!!! Egads... It's also kind of weird that the adults, many of whom were openly mistrustful of Tommy from the onset of this comic, allowed him to become the teen mayor. It's also going to be funny when we inevitably discover that some no good adult broke the Prof. out of prison and went on a rampage specifically to discredit Tommy... I mean we all know that's how this one turns out, right? It just seems like a lot of trouble to go through to discredit a kid, who is only mayor for a single day, but what can ya do? Well, I don't know about you, but I'm eagerly awaiting what giant body part attacks the Titans next!

Ugh, go back to hell, Barry...

Batman vs Spidey?

Shots fired, yo!

Strange Tales #101(Final part)

Some more Human Torch sound like a good idea? Yes? No? Anything? Sigh... Thanks for nothing, you were no help at all... Since I'm not getting any direction here, I guess I'll just go ahead and review the next part of the Human Torch's first solo adventure. And what an adventure, Johnny versus some random dude with no powers. Onward!

Strange Tales #101(Oct. 1962)

Thoughts: Having been foiled twice by the Human Torch, the Destroyer sends the newspaper another note, this time challenging the Torch to meet him near a small cabin at the edge of the woods... Well, it's a good thing nobody except for Johnny reads this paper, otherwise everybody in town would know where to find the Destroyer! Johnny prepares to head to the cabin, but is stopped by the Thing, who offers to take Johnny's place against the Destroyer. What the hell is Ben so worried about? The Destroyer has only (attempted to) sabotaged two amusement park rides... Ben is all, “If you go, Johnny, the Destroyer will surely kill you!!!” Chillax, Ben!

It's either Ben Grimm, or the neighborhood pervert...

Johnny sends Ben away, since the Destroyer challenged him, and as such, honor, or Johnny's manhood, or something along those lines, means Johnny has to face the Destroyer... Alone. And so, Johnny heads to the woods where he charges into the cabin, sets off a motion detector, and gets doused with water.

♫Wah-wah♫

Where a metric shit-ton of water came from, I'll never know, but that's what happened. Before the Destroyer can head inside to kill Johnny, he hears some teenagers and bails. Next, Johnny decides to figure out what the Destroyer has against the amusement park. He deduces that the Destroyer only tried to sabotage the tall rides(um, he only struck twice... I don't think two attacks is enough to make a detailed case file of the guy...), and heads to the top of the amusement park to look around. Sure enough, Johnny spots A COMMIE SUBMARINE(HA!!!) surfacing, and rushes to attack it immediately... USA! USA! USA! The Navy, or Coast Guard, or somebody, head to the scene to assist the Torch, and the group take the sub with ease. Suck it, Mother Russia! The Destroyer ends up being unmasked and is revealed to be the newspaper editor...? Wha?!

But...  Why would anybody suspect him in the first place?

Oh, and the commie bastards wanted the amusement park gone because they could be seen surfacing from the highest rides. And that's a wrap.

Thoughts: I frigging love that the big bad of this comic was, to quote Johnny, “A Commie Sub!!”.

You don't get much more 60's then this!

Phenomenal... Also, I'm shocked, and a bit impressed that this part of the comic paid off all of the page time the newspaper editor was getting in the last part. We never find out what the newspaper editor was selling out his country for, but I don't even care, mainly due to the fact that there was “A Commie Sub!!” in this issue. God, that is the most 60's line ever... Let's see, what else... Oh, how about Thing? He heads all the way out to Long Island, offers to take Johnny's place, is turned down and leaves. And that's that? I was expecting him to pop up to help Johnny at the cabin, but nope, he gets turned down and is all, “I hope the Destroyer kills you, lolz!” and isn't seen again. Um, I think that all I have left to say about this one, until next time!

JT Review: Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #1

Hey everyone, X here... wait... this isn't X. This is his handsome, multi-talented, best friend, JT! That's right, I'm also returning to the blog game...  part-time anyway. When my amigo X asked me if I'd like to contribute to the blog even though a LOT has changed in my life since I last posted, I jumped at the chance. So, enough about me and my vast greatness, let's get to the comic! After searching far and wide for a retro comic to review, I came across this cover and I just couldn't pass it up. So without further adieu, I present to you....

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #1 (1954)

Look at this! Jimmy's stupid face and the way Supes is like "This fucking guy..." This is basically me and X. (I'm Supes.)

Summary: We start things off with our intrepid hero, Jimmy Olsen, posing as an ice cream man to follow after Marty Watson and Bozo Bane (terrible name), two thugs that work for "Deuce" Dorgan. They notice Jimmy following so they pie face him a la mode, that's when you push ice cream into someone's face... I just came up with the term, and push him into oncoming traffic. Luckily, Superman saves Jimmy. Superman asks Jimmy if he's still working on that robbery case in his spare time... what? He's... one... he's a photographer. He's not a reporter or a detective, so why the hell is he doing this and doing it for FREE at that in his free time?! Anyway, Jimmy finds a clue the thugs dropped so he asks Perry White if he can use the "Flying News Room", whatever the hell THAT is to look into it. Perry says no, then he says yes, because why not? Lois and Clark warn Jimmy that the dangerous criminals are... y'know, dangerous. But HE'S Jimmy Olsen, so stuff that noise.

Sure Jimmy, You can use our helicopter on this jewelry heist you're working on in your free time!

Jimmy heads out on the flying newsroom... which is a helicopter apparently piloted by a Ralph Kramden look-a-like named Jumbo Jones. Jumbo gives Jimbo a ride to the criminal's hangout then Jimmy uses one of his disguises (Move over, Matches Malone!) to infiltrate the criminals by pretending to be a wash brush salesman. This leads to them making Jimmy wash their dishes... yeah, people paid to read this in the 50's. While washing dishes, Jimmy watches the criminals from a nearby window, but another criminal catches Jimmy like the teenage peeping tom he is.

He hit him hard enough to stun him, but not so hard that he couldn't comment on being hit?

Before the criminal can take Jimmy to Da Boss, Jimmy uses his pen gun that shoots out pressurized air with the intensity of a heavyweight boxer's punch. I... how.. okay. Jimmy decides to high-tail it outta there but the thugs follow him. Luckily, Jumbo is ready and tackles three thugs at once. FUCK YEAH JUMBO! Eventually, the thugs remember they're thugs and pull out guns. They march Jim and Jum back to the secret hideout and tie them up on a dock before leaving like every stupid criminal ever. While tied up, Batman... I mean Jimmy Olsen, manages to cut his binding free with a clam shell... and calls Superman on his communicator watch. Superman gets the signal and says... and I quote "My boy pal in trouble!" Who talks like that?! Anyway, Superman frees Jimmy and Jumby then catches the crooks.

While Superman grabs the thugs he notices Jimmy is fishing for some reason. Supes uses his X-Ray vision and sees the stolen jewels underwater. He swims down and attaches them to Jimmy's hook. Jimmy reels in the jewels while Superman acts surprised. Jimmy explains that the clue he found earlier was a small hook (why would you think THAT'S a clue?!) and surmised they must have buried the jewels underwater then planned to reel them in a few months later when the heat was off. Okay... sure. Superman takes the crooks to jail and Jimmy writes up an article on finding the jewels. The End.

Thoughts: Okay, I have a few issues with this story. First things first, the cover says "The Boy of 100 faces." In this story Jimmy literally used TWO disguises. There's three stories in this comic, I checked the other two... he used ONE more disguise. By my count, that's ninety-seven disguises this bastard screwed me out of. Also, Why in the bluest of all hells, would Perry White allow a "junior reporter" to use a HELICOPTER to work on a case that he literally says Jimmy can't solve?! I have to imagine that even in the fifties, helicopter fuel ain't cheap! THEN... Jumbo just flies Jimmy to the hideout of the criminals?! If they know who the criminals are and where the hideout is, how is this case unsolved?!

Oh, and who the hell made Jimmy a pen-gun that can shoot pressurized air?! Like... Superman would have no need for it and I know damn well Jimmy didn't make it! And I'm not even gonna get started on Jimmy cutting his rope bindings with a clam shell he somehow caught floating by him. But the biggest WTF of this is Jimmy just deciding he's going to FISH FOR THE JEWELRY. Dude, tell Superman it's down there, he'll get it and you'll still get credit. Hell, just SWIM down there. You're going to fish jewelry out? Who are you, Steve Austin?

# of pages: 8
# of disguises: 2
# of times Jimmy says his apparent catchphrase "Super Duper!": 3

Strange Tales #101

Hey, you know what I just realized? I don't have any Marvel books on this blog yet! Well, I think it's time to rectify that little problem... But where to start... Ah, since I'm having such a good time with the Teen Titans, why not go with Marvel's teen sensation from the 60's, the Human Torch? Yup, good idea... The Torch co-starred in Strange Tales, which I just happen to have in Marvel Essential form. Let's see what the Marvel side of the fence has to offer...

Strange Tales #101(October of... 1962, I think?)

Summary: Sweet, Jack Kirby did the art! Okay, we start off with the Torch giving us a rundown of his life... He's Johnny Storm(that's such a great name...), he lives in Glenville, Long Island with his sister Sue, who everybody in town knows is the Invisible Girl/Woman. However, nobody knows he is the Human Torch... That's weird. I thought the Fantastic Four were always known publicly... I guess in the beginning only Reed and Sue were public, while Johnny, and maybe Ben had secret identities? How odd... We also get a long retelling of the Torch and the rest of the FF getting their powers.

This is where we learn Reed was trying to kill Johnny with cancer.

From there, the scene shifts to some costumed kook staring menacingly at the site of a soon to open amusement park. The weirdo, who goes by the Destroyer(probably due to his habit of... fixing things? No, no, that's not it... Hmm, I'll have to think on it...) sends a message to the Glenville newspaper warning that he wanted construction of the amusement park to cease, or all sorts of bad business was going to go down. The newspaper editor balls the paper up and literally throws it at the wall...

This dude clearly hates his job.

Damn, even if he thinks it's a fake, shouldn't he contact the cops? He must get a lot of crank letters... Sure enough, the next day, a man testing the roller coaster is thrown off of the top. Luckily for him, Johnny is watching the test run, causes a smokey distraction and flies over to rescue the falling man.

I mainly posted this because the reaction shots of the dumb people made me laugh...

The next day, the newspaper editor gets another threatening letter and decides to take it to the owner of the amusement park... The newspaper editor really hates the cops I'm guessing... Also, that dude got a lot of page time! The amusement park owner shrugs the letter off as a coincidence. The next day, the parachute tower is being tested and begins to fall over. Luckily enough, Johnny is randomly on the scene! Again... Really, again? Oh, and once again, he wastes precious time making a distraction, AND getting changed(why the hell does he need to get changed? He's on fire!) before flying to the rescue.

"Oh, a bunch of people are falling to their deaths?  Cools, lemme get changed."

Johnny welds the tower back together(...), which ends the first chapter of this story.

Thoughts: This was a fun read, although the super long FF origin story was kind of in the way. Now, with that said, I can get down to business here... I can overlook Johnny being in the right place at the right time once in this comic, but twice?? Come on! The roller coaster test and the parachute drop test were both sabotaged, with Johnny happening to be on the spot(heh heh...) for both? That's an awfully big coincidence to ignore..... Also, that newspaper editor was a real jerk! He definitely stole the show for me in this comic so far. I just love that he refuses to take these threatening letters to the cops. I mean, okay, maybe I'll give him a bye for the first one, but the second one? If he filled in the cops, maybe they'd have somebody watching the amusement park site so Johnny didn't have to “conveniently” hang around the under construction amusement park all day...

The Batman Strikes! #49

I'm sure any of you with a large comic collection has had moments where they look at certain books they have and wonder why... Like, why is this comic here, why would I buy this? I have A LOT of those books with me... Like the comic I'll be looking at today! It's one of those cartoon to comic deals, you know, a comic based off of a cartoon based off of a comic... Whew, that's a mouthful... This one is from the Batman Strikes! series from... um, I don't even know! I never watched that series, which makes it all the weirder that I have this comic! Well, enough dilly-dallying, onward!

The Batman Strikes! #49(Nov. 2008)

Summary: Ah, it's a Grayson story... That explains this comic's presence on my collection... Okay, so after a night of Bat-action(hey, I didn't mean it like THAT!), poor, young Dick Grayson is caught snoozing during one of his classes.

What the hell is up with Dick's Wolverine-esque hair?  And what's the deal with the crazy looking kid behind him?

Not only that, but he notices Killer Moth and some goons from the window getting ready to rob the... Gotham Savings and Loan, which is right across the street from Dick's school!? What the hell?! Where I went to school, there were normal things like candy stores and bodegas across the street, not frigging banks! Anyway, Dick tries to get a message to Batman, but has his communicator taken away by his teacher, who mistakes it for a video game, mainly due to her being an idiot.

Clearly that's a 3DS.

Needing an excuse to get out of the classroom, Dick begins to chuck balled up papers at a girl until the teacher sends him to the principal's office.

Sure, pick on the only black kid in the class.  That's totally not racist!

At that point Dick rushes to his locker and switches to his Robin duds, just in time to stop Moth and his goons from leaving with the cash. And that's pretty much it. I mean, there's a little bit more, but it's really not important to the story.

Thoughts: What can I say, I liked this comic. I'm a sucker for Robin stories, and I'm a fan of Dick Grayson, so this is a win for me. Sure, there were some random things that were... well, random, like the Batman vs Poison Ivy story(which I didn't mention in the summary, but did mention in the thoughts.........), the fact that Killer Moth was a literal giant moth, but was acting like the human version,

Aww, how romantic!

Robin's teacher mistaking a Bat-communicator for a video game, but it was also a breezy, stupid, fun read. I mean, come on, it had Killer Moth hiding in an ice cream truck, and Robin keeping the Bat-communicator near his junk instead of his pocket...

He DOES have pockets...  Why would he put it THERE?  Maybe the Bat-communicator vibrates?

What's not to like here? Also, I get we were doing a Dick Grayson tale, but the Savings and Loan being across the street from Dick's school, literally right outside his window? Convenient story is too convenient... That's all I'm sayin'...

Brave and the Bold #54(part the last)

And we've finally, FINALLY made it to the end of the very first Teen Titans story ever made! And the very first story to feature the amazing Mr. Twister! Okay, that second one isn't nearly as important as the first one. But somewhere, somewhere on this planet there is one lone person, one lone voice that is cheering the first appearance of Mr. Twister. Probably, right? I mean, people have terrible taste, it stands to reason somebody out there likes our boy Twisty McTwist. Yeah, Twisty McTwist. I said it. Now, let's get down to brass tacks as they say... Brass tacks? The hell?!

The Brave and the Bold #54(June 1964)

Summary: Okay, with the kids safe thanks to Aqualad and the herd of whales(...), Mr. Twister decides to just destroy the town of Hatton Corners and has it rain sand. Because tornadoes can do that? Okay then... The sand begins to pile up, but Kid Flash dashes around the town and drags the sand after him, leaving the town sparkly and clean. Nice going, Kid Flash! Mr. Twister decides to up the ante by sending a deluge of rain upon the town. Within moments, the town is hopelessly flooded... Or it would be if not for Aqualad and a whale with a huge horn on it's face... Wait, that's a real thing?! Let's check wikipedia, it's never steered me wrong yet... Well I'll be damned, a narwhal is a real thing! Okay, so the narwhal dives to the bottom of the flooded town and drills a hole in the ground, which allows all of the water to rush underground, um, unflooding the town... Yeah, that's not a real word, but it's as good as I can come up with at the moment.

Aqualad riding a narwhal.  Totally not erotic at all...

So with his first two attacks foiled, Mr. Twister brings out the big guns and has it rain fire on the town... Really?! This is starting to sound like one of those horrible movies on the Sci-Fi channel now! Not only that, but Mr. Twister blasts Aqualad and Kid Flash with lightning bolts to make sure they wouldn't be able to thwart him again. Mr. Twister ignores Robin because he doesn't have any powers, and as such is deemed no threat. However, the cold, bitter hand of irony strikes when Robin snatches Mr. Twister's enchanted staff away from him with a “bat-rope”(you know, as opposed to one of those lousy regular ropes), which was the source of Mr. Twister's powers. Robin tosses the staff into one of the fires Mr. Twister started(double irony!!), destroying the staff and ending the threat of Mr. Twister.

Um, so Robin was okay with killing Mr. Twister?  

And that's that, Johnny Law takes the defeated Mr. Twister away, the teenagers return to the town, and the parents are happy to have them. Huzzah!

Thoughts: What can I say? It was stupid, mindless, 60's fun! I'm a sucker for these sort of comics. Most of it didn't make sense, like Mr. Twister getting his powers when he enchanted a magic staff with a magic Indian potion... Or Mr. Twister making it rain sand, and then FIRE... Plus, Mr. Twister's motivations were kind of all over the place... First he wanted passenger pigeon feathers. Then he stole the town's teens and had them build him a tower to nowhere. Then he just decided to destroy the town? Like why? What did he want? I kind of think he really just wanted the feathers for that dumb cape he was wearing, which is kind of sad. If he would have just gotten his feathers, none of the rest of that grim tale would have unfolded. But then we wouldn't have any Teen Titans comics, so I guess it's a good thing passenger pigeons went extinct. That's another thing, I learned a lot from this comic! Dead passenger pigeons, narwhals, whales moving islands, Indian potions, caves, this comic taught AND entertained me! So nice job, DC from the 60's. I tip my imaginary hat to you!