Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #1 (1954)
Look at this! Jimmy's stupid face and the way Supes is like "This fucking guy..." This is basically me and X. (I'm Supes.)
Summary: We start things off with our intrepid hero, Jimmy Olsen, posing as an ice cream man to follow after Marty Watson and Bozo Bane (terrible name), two thugs that work for "Deuce" Dorgan. They notice Jimmy following so they pie face him a la mode, that's when you push ice cream into someone's face... I just came up with the term, and push him into oncoming traffic. Luckily, Superman saves Jimmy. Superman asks Jimmy if he's still working on that robbery case in his spare time... what? He's... one... he's a photographer. He's not a reporter or a detective, so why the hell is he doing this and doing it for FREE at that in his free time?! Anyway, Jimmy finds a clue the thugs dropped so he asks Perry White if he can use the "Flying News Room", whatever the hell THAT is to look into it. Perry says no, then he says yes, because why not? Lois and Clark warn Jimmy that the dangerous criminals are... y'know, dangerous. But HE'S Jimmy Olsen, so stuff that noise.
Sure Jimmy, You can use our helicopter on this jewelry heist you're working on in your free time!
Jimmy heads out on the flying newsroom... which is a helicopter apparently piloted by a Ralph Kramden look-a-like named Jumbo Jones. Jumbo gives Jimbo a ride to the criminal's hangout then Jimmy uses one of his disguises (Move over, Matches Malone!) to infiltrate the criminals by pretending to be a wash brush salesman. This leads to them making Jimmy wash their dishes... yeah, people paid to read this in the 50's. While washing dishes, Jimmy watches the criminals from a nearby window, but another criminal catches Jimmy like the teenage peeping tom he is.
He hit him hard enough to stun him, but not so hard that he couldn't comment on being hit?
Before the criminal can take Jimmy to Da Boss, Jimmy uses his pen gun that shoots out pressurized air with the intensity of a heavyweight boxer's punch. I... how.. okay. Jimmy decides to high-tail it outta there but the thugs follow him. Luckily, Jumbo is ready and tackles three thugs at once. FUCK YEAH JUMBO! Eventually, the thugs remember they're thugs and pull out guns. They march Jim and Jum back to the secret hideout and tie them up on a dock before leaving like every stupid criminal ever. While tied up, Batman... I mean Jimmy Olsen, manages to cut his binding free with a clam shell... and calls Superman on his communicator watch. Superman gets the signal and says... and I quote "My boy pal in trouble!" Who talks like that?! Anyway, Superman frees Jimmy and Jumby then catches the crooks.
While Superman grabs the thugs he notices Jimmy is fishing for some reason. Supes uses his X-Ray vision and sees the stolen jewels underwater. He swims down and attaches them to Jimmy's hook. Jimmy reels in the jewels while Superman acts surprised. Jimmy explains that the clue he found earlier was a small hook (why would you think THAT'S a clue?!) and surmised they must have buried the jewels underwater then planned to reel them in a few months later when the heat was off. Okay... sure. Superman takes the crooks to jail and Jimmy writes up an article on finding the jewels. The End.
Thoughts: Okay, I have a few issues with this story. First things first, the cover says "The Boy of 100 faces." In this story Jimmy literally used TWO disguises. There's three stories in this comic, I checked the other two... he used ONE more disguise. By my count, that's ninety-seven disguises this bastard screwed me out of. Also, Why in the bluest of all hells, would Perry White allow a "junior reporter" to use a HELICOPTER to work on a case that he literally says Jimmy can't solve?! I have to imagine that even in the fifties, helicopter fuel ain't cheap! THEN... Jumbo just flies Jimmy to the hideout of the criminals?! If they know who the criminals are and where the hideout is, how is this case unsolved?!
Oh, and who the hell made Jimmy a pen-gun that can shoot pressurized air?! Like... Superman would have no need for it and I know damn well Jimmy didn't make it! And I'm not even gonna get started on Jimmy cutting his rope bindings with a clam shell he somehow caught floating by him. But the biggest WTF of this is Jimmy just deciding he's going to FISH FOR THE JEWELRY. Dude, tell Superman it's down there, he'll get it and you'll still get credit. Hell, just SWIM down there. You're going to fish jewelry out? Who are you, Steve Austin?
# of pages: 8
# of disguises: 2
# of times Jimmy says his apparent catchphrase "Super Duper!": 3