Wednesday, March 1, 2017

JT Review: Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #1

Hey everyone, X here... wait... this isn't X. This is his handsome, multi-talented, best friend, JT! That's right, I'm also returning to the blog game...  part-time anyway. When my amigo X asked me if I'd like to contribute to the blog even though a LOT has changed in my life since I last posted, I jumped at the chance. So, enough about me and my vast greatness, let's get to the comic! After searching far and wide for a retro comic to review, I came across this cover and I just couldn't pass it up. So without further adieu, I present to you....

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #1 (1954)
Look at this! Jimmy's stupid face and the way Supes is like "This fucking guy..." This is basically me and X. (I'm Supes.)

Summary: We start things off with our intrepid hero, Jimmy Olsen, posing as an ice cream man to follow after Marty Watson and Bozo Bane (terrible name), two thugs that work for "Deuce" Dorgan. They notice Jimmy following so they pie face him a la mode, that's when you push ice cream into someone's face... I just came up with the term, and push him into oncoming traffic. Luckily, Superman saves Jimmy. Superman asks Jimmy if he's still working on that robbery case in his spare time... what? He's... one... he's a photographer. He's not a reporter or a detective, so why the hell is he doing this and doing it for FREE at that in his free time?! Anyway, Jimmy finds a clue the thugs dropped so he asks Perry White if he can use the "Flying News Room", whatever the hell THAT is to look into it. Perry says no, then he says yes, because why not? Lois and Clark warn Jimmy that the dangerous criminals are... y'know, dangerous. But HE'S Jimmy Olsen, so stuff that noise.

Sure Jimmy, You can use our helicopter on this jewelry heist you're working on in your free time!

Jimmy heads out on the flying newsroom... which is a helicopter apparently piloted by a Ralph Kramden look-a-like named Jumbo Jones. Jumbo gives Jimbo a ride to the criminal's hangout then Jimmy uses one of his disguises (Move over, Matches Malone!) to infiltrate the criminals by pretending to be a wash brush salesman. This leads to them making Jimmy wash their dishes... yeah, people paid to read this in the 50's. While washing dishes, Jimmy watches the criminals from a nearby window, but another criminal catches Jimmy like the teenage peeping tom he is.

He hit him hard enough to stun him, but not so hard that he couldn't comment on being hit?

Before the criminal can take Jimmy to Da Boss, Jimmy uses his pen gun that shoots out pressurized air with the intensity of a heavyweight boxer's punch. I... how.. okay. Jimmy decides to high-tail it outta there but the thugs follow him. Luckily, Jumbo is ready and tackles three thugs at once. FUCK YEAH JUMBO! Eventually, the thugs remember they're thugs and pull out guns. They march Jim and Jum back to the secret hideout and tie them up on a dock before leaving like every stupid criminal ever. While tied up, Batman... I mean Jimmy Olsen, manages to cut his binding free with a clam shell... and calls Superman on his communicator watch. Superman gets the signal and says... and I quote "My boy pal in trouble!" Who talks like that?! Anyway, Superman frees Jimmy and Jumby then catches the crooks.

While Superman grabs the thugs he notices Jimmy is fishing for some reason. Supes uses his X-Ray vision and sees the stolen jewels underwater. He swims down and attaches them to Jimmy's hook. Jimmy reels in the jewels while Superman acts surprised. Jimmy explains that the clue he found earlier was a small hook (why would you think THAT'S a clue?!) and surmised they must have buried the jewels underwater then planned to reel them in a few months later when the heat was off. Okay... sure. Superman takes the crooks to jail and Jimmy writes up an article on finding the jewels. The End.

Thoughts: Okay, I have a few issues with this story. First things first, the cover says "The Boy of 100 faces." In this story Jimmy literally used TWO disguises. There's three stories in this comic, I checked the other two... he used ONE more disguise. By my count, that's ninety-seven disguises this bastard screwed me out of. Also, Why in the bluest of all hells, would Perry White allow a "junior reporter" to use a HELICOPTER to work on a case that he literally says Jimmy can't solve?! I have to imagine that even in the fifties, helicopter fuel ain't cheap! THEN... Jumbo just flies Jimmy to the hideout of the criminals?! If they know who the criminals are and where the hideout is, how is this case unsolved?!

Oh, and who the hell made Jimmy a pen-gun that can shoot pressurized air?! Like... Superman would have no need for it and I know damn well Jimmy didn't make it! And I'm not even gonna get started on Jimmy cutting his rope bindings with a clam shell he somehow caught floating by him. But the biggest WTF of this is Jimmy just deciding he's going to FISH FOR THE JEWELRY. Dude, tell Superman it's down there, he'll get it and you'll still get credit. Hell, just SWIM down there. You're going to fish jewelry out? Who are you, Steve Austin?

# of pages: 8
# of disguises: 2
# of times Jimmy says his apparent catchphrase "Super Duper!": 3


  1. Oh good lord... I should have known, JT. Once you wouldn't tell me what you were up to, I should have known... Of course it's Jimmy Olsen, Boy of 3 disguises...

    First off, loved the post, it had just enough ridiculousness(approximately 87.24%) to meet the quota. I have SO much I want to mention... That first pic had me going, because it absolutely looks like Supes is saying that, much like I imagine you've said time and time again about me...

    I love that the goons just toss Jimmy into traffic because they figure he's following them... I mean, what if Jimmy wasn't following them? Also, I picture Supes just flying along, watching Jimmy in his spare time because he KNOWS that Jimmy will eventually get himself into a situation just like that.

    Then there's the fact that Jimmy, a photographer, is working on a robbery case in his spare time... A case that Supes is aware of, and apparently could give a shit about! Who the hell works on solving robbery cases in their spare time?! How is that a hobby you even get into!? There's so many "But why???" moments here... Like, why would Perry let Jimmy take the helicopter out for a glorified joyride? How did Jumbo know where he was going? Why in the hell would Jimmy have some crazy high-tech attack pen?!?!? Ugh!!

    Plus, you get points for the Jumbo/Jimbo thing! I liked that. But the, sadly, I have to deduct those points because of pie-face a la mode... *wah wah*... Finally, I so need you to get into some sort of trouble next time we play borderlands, because I am absolutely going to say, "My boy pal in trouble!"... Wait, shouldn't there be an "is" in there? And if you missed it by accident, don't fix it, because it's even funnier without the "is"!

  2. Oh just you wait... there will be a plethora of Jimmy Olsen stories all over this blog... AND another certain Superman co-star.

    Thanks buddy! You know I strive to hit the high 80's on my ridiculousness scale. And the ONLY reason I picked this story was because of the cover. I actually foresee myself doing that with most of these Olsen books.

    You're pretty much right, they just assumed he was following and of course Superman was RIGHT THERE when they tried to murder Jimmy, yet he didn't take them to jail.

    Pie-face a la mode is HILARIOUS. I knew you were gonna give me shit over it but I didn't even care, haha. Oh, and I didn't miss the "is", he literally didn't say it! Just "My boy pal in trouble!" Maybe that was Bizarro in disguise.

    1. See, a real star blogger would try to hit in the 90's, but then there's you... Also, I love your criteria for picking a book... Honestly, I can't even fault you with how these wacky-ass comics went back then!

      I was gonna ask that about the goons, re: jail! Supes just saves Jimmy and is like, "Nah, sorry, I'm on break now..."

      I'm so remembering that line... I really mean that...

  3. Hey Guys What's going on ??? X-Man and JT making post again that's weirder than Wally West alive and running through the pages of DC comics with the Titans !!.

    This retro posts are hilarious, I also stopped reading new comics since 2012 (only reading Saga in trades) and considering on the other Vaughan books,

    Have you guys seen some off the Rebirth stuff that picked your interest ?

  4. Hey Damian! Man, It's shocking to see someone that's not me or X commenting here already, haha. How have ya been?

    I actually am reading a few of the Rebirth books and I've been enjoying them so far. I read Batman, Superman, Action, Detective, Red Hood, Titans, Teen Titans... and I think that may be it. Oh, JLA.

    1. I just read some reviews from time to time and the fact that they brought some classic concepts back (specially to Batman) seemed cool.. just that reading comics weekly again is not for me anymore the New 52 and Marvel constants events did that... Is like nobody can take a break Never on that universe without the sky falling.

      That's the good about this retro comics Supes can spend the day just checking on Jimmy Olsen, or being Jealous of Lois Lane and be funny.

  5. Hey Damian, good to hear from you after all this time! I personally haven't read a single new comic since I stopped writing at the blog. I literally have the last comic books I brought from the comic shop, STILL in the plastic bag from the store! For the most part, JT keeps me up to date on the new comic stuff going on, and on rare occasions I'll check out the sales charts to see what's selling well. I'll admit I was a bit intrigued by some of the DC Rebirth stuff, but I'm just not ready to start reading new stuff again. The New 52 books really killed my interest in staying up to date

    1. Hahaha frame those books on the plastics bags so you can say to future generation "and that my boys is the moment I set free of the evil lords that made me read mediocre pieces of shits"

  6. First, I just wanted to personally grace the new blog with my presence. Second, " pie face him a la mode" Really Bro? Hate you so much, lol. Third, it's awesome to see my two favorite bloggers back at it again. :) It warms my heart to see you two reviewing comics again. Now on to play catch up and read more!

    1. You love me and you know it! And I will not stand here while you all pretend Pie Face A La Mode isn't THE FUNNIEST GODDAMN THING TO EVER GRACE BLOGSPLOT!!!

      And thanks for stopping by :D

    2. I do love you. Lol. Also no need for shouting, it was funny, lol. Calm down.