Teen Titans #1

Okay, quick story time... Me and JT were talking about the blog and we figured I'd review a full series of something. Basically the main two choices wound up being Young Justice(late 90's) or Teen Titans(early 00's). In the end we decided to go with the Titans series, mainly because it's the series I least wanted to read, and as such would almost definitely have more things to poke fun at. Plus, since JT and I both have access to the full series, as I review, JT can read along and put in his ill-informed two cents. Alright, with that out of the way, let's take a gander at the 2003 version of the Titans.

Teen Titans #1(September 2003)

Summary: Oh hell... It's the Geoff Johns show... So we kick things off with Superboy now living in Smallville and going to Smallville High. He hates it and skips class, which leads to him bumping into Superman who scolds him for ditching class, but invites him to the newest incarnation of the Teen Titans, led by Cyborg(who is not a teen... Just sayin'...). Similar scenes play out between Batman and Robin, The True Flash, Wally West and Impulse, as well as Starfire and Wonder Girl. The kids are all angsty about joining due to Donna Troy dying the last time they did a team thing, but all decide to go through with it.

No means no, Bart!!

Come Friday, the Titans all meet up at the new Titans Tower in San Fran, but are all weird around each other. Come the middle of the night, Superboy and Robin meet up(TRYST!!!), with Robin getting an email informing him that Superboy was now the clone of Superman and... Lex Luthor. Why? Because Geoff Johns.

This seems like how a super-hero themed porno would start...

Thoughts: Deep breaths, X... You can get through this... Basically, Johns does what he always seems to do, he takes things back to the rocking 1950's! Superboy goes from living on his own in either New York or Metropolis(I forget which, it's been a bit since I read the Superboy series) to randomly living in Smallville, so he could live with the Kents and go to Smallville High, just like Superman did in the 50's! And don't even get me started on the Superboy being a clone of Lex Luthor thing, even though it was clearly established that wasn't the case in the Superboy series. The very same Superboy series where a certain Geoff Johns wrote in to the editor saying that they should make Superboy the clone of Lex Luthor... Yep, that's a real thing that happened. So as usual, Johns came in and went all nuclear fanboy on shit. Outside of that, there really wasn't too much going on. This issue served it's purpose in getting the kids together, as well as introducing us to Starfire, Cyborg and Beast Boy, who are serving as the senior members of the team. That kind of always bugged me too, the fact that there were senior members of this squad.

"We're not gonna judge you...  Except for all those times we do..."

The original Titans didn't have anybody looking over their shoulders, nor did Young Justice, which is where this comic spun from. So why would these characters agree to do exactly what they were doing in Young Justice, but with Cyborg and that creepy-ass Beast Boy supervising them?

Dude, you're like 20-something!  No es bueno!

I don't get that. I also don't get the weird way Batman was written here. “You need friends...”?! What the hell Batman is THAT?!

Mind your own damn business, Bruce!

Ugh. Welp, if nothing else I can at least say this, one issue down, 99 to go!