Friday, April 21, 2017

JT Review: Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #82

Hey Todd Squad, JT here once again with another review! Now I know what you're thinking... Why do you keep reviewing these Jimmy Olsen comics? Well the answer is, I have no earthly idea. While they are dreadful, they're sometimes so asinine that they're fun. And we should be in for a fun one tonight! Something you all may not know, is that X and I are HUGE fans of pro-wrestling. So after seeing this cover, I HAD to review this baby.

 Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #82
Superman tapping out? John Cena would be ashamed.

Summary:  Things start off when Jimmy visits his pal, Professor Potter. Old Potsy tells Jimbo that he has a formula that can make whoever takes it stronger than Superman. It's called Crack. I'm kidding... partially. Jimmy puts the formula in his pocket then heads to work. Perry remarks that Superman is wrestling for charity at a Daily Planet event tonight but he needs an opponent... seems like something you should've set up before the day of the event. Jimmy vows to beat Superman without using Kryptonite, so Perry takes him up on his bet and raises to stakes to a hundred bucks!

Why... why can't Jimmy call him Chief?

Jimmy stops at the pharmacy to buy a bottle of water to take with the formula, then heads to the big match. As Jimmy heads to the ring, Perry scans him with a Kryptonite detection device that Superman once gave him, ensuring that Jimmy is clean. Once Olsen gets to the ring, our introductions get underway!

Red-Headed Demon? Well shit...

Superman tells Jimmy it would be unethical to throw the match, but he'll take it easy on him. Jimmy tells Supes to bring everything he has and the match begins! Jimmy beats Superman in TWO panels and makes him tap out as the crowd watches in disbelief. Jimmy and Superman shake hands to show there's no hard feelings and Muscles Olsen heads to the back. Backstage, Jimmy overhears some street toughs (I wrote that for you, X) telling Lionel the Lion Man to take a dive in his next match. You stupid marks... Jimmy gets involved and tells them he's going to kick their ass, but in a PG way. Jimmy attacks but they don't budge... oh God, this is going to be one of those Superman let Jimmy win and now Jimmy gets his ass kicked stories, isn't it?


Jimmy gets knocked the fuck out, then heads to his car. Lucy Lane hops in and is ready to go "celebrate", but Jimmy would rather go see Prof. Pothead. Oh Jimmy, you're such a moron. Jimmy gets more of the super ser- oops, I think that's a Marvel thing. Super... powered... drink from Potter, and luckily Superman is there doing experiments for some reason, so Jimmy has someone to test it on. Jimmy goes into the other room and beats up Superman like a dick-ish older brother. Jimmy hears Lucy screaming so he runs outside and sees she's being accosted. He leaps into action and gets knocked out once again!

At a certain point, this is just Superman's fault for being an asshole.

Jimmy questions big Potta, why can he beat up Superman but no one else? Potter tells him not to doubt the serum, so the next day Jimmy waits for Superman to show up at the planet then takes a swig of the drink. Jimmy runs over and punches Superman in the gut and damn near breaks his own hand. Jimmy's confused, because the night before he made Superman his bitch in the squared circle. Superman explains that he was on a space mission the night before. Superman and Jimmy decide to go spy on old man Potter.

I can honestly say, I did NOT see this coming.

It turns out... Potter was dressing up like Superman somehow and faking all these interactions with Jimmy, so Jimmy wouldn't lose faith in him when yet another one of his experiments was a flop. Dude... you need a woman or a hobby or something because that shit is sad and depressing. Superman waits for Potter to put away his Superman disguise then he and Jimmy enter Potter's home. Instead of calling Potter's old crazy ass on his shit, Jimmy and Superman pretend to wrestle and Superman "wins" thanks to Potter's miracle drug!

Am I fucking going over?

Somehow, this charade allows Potter to come to his senses and become normal again. Pot-Pot thanks Superman and Jimmy for restoring his sanity. Yep, he actually said that. The issue ends with Supes and Jimmy going to get Hero sandwiches.

Thoughts: Okay... So ignoring the whole old man dresses up like Superman and fools hundreds of people thing, and the whole, Jimmy doesn't ACTUALLY have superpowers, he's just beating up some crazy old dude... there are ACTUAL criminals that just get away with shit! Like, those dudes told the Lion dude to take a dive and then they beat up Jimmy and left! So they actually bullied that dude into taking a dive. And some creep tries to get handsy or worse with Lucy Lane and he just GETS AWAY! Meanwhile, Superman is putting on wrestling shows for an audience of one! What if something happened where Jimmy tried to use that strength and got himself killed because of this damn old man? "Ah well, Jimmy's dead, back to my experiments!"

# of pages: 8
# of criminals that got away: 3
# of times Jimmy attacked "Superman": 5

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